2006 Match reports

TSE v Wonnersh
27 August 2006
Wonnersh won

Back into the fold after a well earned break in France, I found that Mr Coggins (the younger, but not so younger) and family had decided to take a holiday to Majorca to top up the rust marks from this year's English summer.

Meanwhile back to the plot.All week I had been on the phone to Lego trying to get 11 abled bodied cricketers out to play,but finished the week with 10 players including poor Derek and his ever decreasing eyesight. Thank you for turning up Derek, we appreciated it very much in your current condition.

It was therefore music to Lego's ears, when we heard that both the barman and one of Effingham’s first team bowlers made themselves available. Mr Barman umpired, whilst Ved a young Indian lad (from Effingham) played for us, we had been told he was a demon bowler and only to be used in an emergency as he has been known to skittle out sides.
With this in mind, Lego strolled out the middle, won the toss, and put us into bat. Phil and squirrel opened the batting, taking a lot of short balls and wide balls and before long, had put on 32, without loss. Phil was then caught on 10, and I strolled nervously into bat. After a couple of tight overs, and a lot of edges,I finally got off the mark, while Steve was hitting the bad ball to the boundary, when possible.
We put on 67, together, before I was out. It was the first ball, I had middled all day, a full toss hook to the boundary for four. Unfortunately, my bootlace had caught the bottom of leg stump, and I'd hit my wicket for 30 runs. On further inspection, I think I must have made slight contact with my bat, as all three stumps were being couriered back from the next village.

This bought the skipper and squirrel to the crease. They put on a steady 45, before Lego tried one cow shot to many, and was bowled 24. Both his mum, dad, and nan remarked they'd seen it all before, and duly left the field of play.

Squirrel was out soon after, for 59, needing an oxygen tent as he came off. Well played Steve. We needed to then put a spurt on in the last few overs, and both Marti, John the hat and Julian added a further 43 runs, before we declared at 16:30 on 173-5, with John and Julian not out on nine.

Tea was duly taken with only Pam behind the urn today and what a fine job, and a great spread she’d produced. We can now understand why Steve (squirrel), was so tired today. He had spent all night preparing the sandwiches and had a nasty bout of sandwich makers thumb.

Anyway, at this point, we decided to toss a coin to see who’d win the match after we'd eaten far too much.

Wonnersh went into bat, and it was now that Lego could put his skills, judgement, and his knowledge (as he spent all night reading a Janet and John sports book about cricket positions.

Oh dear. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Phil opened the bowling with Ved, bowling, both good line and length. And it wasn't long before Cornish, had the opening batsman caught by Julian for 9. Ved then dislodged the top bail of off stump to get rid of their number three for a duck. Further success was to come, for Phil as he had the other opener back in the pavilion caught for 29 by a smart catch from Lego, they were already 46-3 and things were looking up. This bought their wicketkeeper and a small boy together. Their wicketkeeper started scoring freely, hitting all parts of the boundary. At one stage Rob Dunsby was seen picking the ball out from a rather damp ditch by the side of the outfield coming back onto the field of play, what
looked like cow pats attached to his Claires. Maybe you should change your name to Rob Dungbeetle, Rob!

With their number four, scoring freely, it was time for a bowling change by a very on the ball skipper, and there was a double change, with Ved and Cornish, being replaced by Dunsby and Crist (that is what the opposition put in their scorebook). Maybe they'd seen Lee's bowling before or they thought he could walk on water, as he supported the team second in the premiership at present. Up the Pompey dots!

With a bit of varied bowling, both Rob and Lee had trouble stopping the flow of runs. The small boy was holding up his end until his day was spoilt by Mr Dunsby bowling him for seven. Shame on you! Now you know how it feels. Lee was bowling, with no luck, and it was Rob again, who got the scalp of the wicketkeeper, being again bowled for 34. They had reached 100 for 5ish, with their skipper taking quick runs to all parts of the field.
The fielding was fantastic, and the captaincy was exhilarating, you could hear the hamsters wheel spinning in Lego's head. Just at the right time, a double change was needed, and Lego bought on Julian, and also boughtl back Ved. Much to my pleasure :-

Ouch, that slow one hurts………
their skipper, then passed 50, and they were close to their target, although not without panic at the end. Their number seven, begin caught well, by Lego off Julian for a couple and Ved weighing in with a clean bowled number eight.

Light was fading fast, as was the chance of us winning the match, and with the scores level, and seven wickets down, with 2 overs to spare, Julian tempted their number nine, and I obliged by stumping him.

One run required, two wickets to fall in came P Kenyon, I thought his time would have been taken up by trying to buy Ashley Cole. First ball faced to Julian, it nicked to me for a difficult chance, but it was too fast, and the game was up.

Another enjoyable game well fielded, well batted and well skippered. Thanks goes to Pam and Steve doing the teas, and to Derek for scoring, and looking sharp at short third man! Good luck with the op Del, we'll being keeping our eye on you, don't foget to cross your t's and dot your eyes when they discharge you!

TSE v Woodmansterne
20 August 2006
Temple Sheen won

It was a grey wet start to the game with Woodmansterne batting first. Here are a few quotes direct from our reporter’s notebook
‘Temple Sheen are fielding well. With confidence’
‘The other team are doing some great batting’
‘Temple Sheen’s youngest player has just bowled. Thomas has just done a very good over’
‘Now one of Temple Sheen’s oldest member caught a very high ball’
‘Julian has now got their last batsman out on the last over’
In short Woodmansterne were bowled out for 161.
Julian Samways 4-16 Neil Black 2-23 Marti 1-23 B Redford 1-21 P.Cornish 2-21 Ian Coggins0-13 T Coggins 0-19 Thats all our bowling Dad will help you if you need it. Catches taken by Ledger 2, samways 2, Marti, Redford, Hathway all took 1 catch each

Notable moments being the continuation of the Coggins clan domination of top class cricket with Thomas Coggins bowling straight and true. Although seven catches were taken today there was a number of instances of true sportsmanship, where Temple Sheen obviously tried to drop as many catches in the shortest possible time. Julian bowled some splendid spin resulting in four wickets. Marti showed us another way of stopping the ball – and that is to throw your body at a fast moving ball, thereby cushioning it playfully in your ribs. It was a good day in the field for all the players.

After the cricket tea which was rather good (someone had all the cheese), Temple Sheen came in to bat, to thunderous applause. Well………….maybe not. Ace reporter Charlie Black made the following observations.
‘Brian nurdled the spin bowler for two runs’
‘Pasty faced his first ball and got one run’
‘Brian did a great shot for four’
‘Pasty has just gone out at mid off from a good catch’
‘The game is heating up’
‘I’ve come back from the park and Lego was out for 22’
‘Ian has now just gone out for 50 runs. He’s done great, but we have to get 5 an over’
‘Marty has just gone out for 17. My dad came on and hit two. My dad has gone out for two’…. Yes yes son I know.
‘John has just scored the last runs to win’

In short - Temple Sheen164-6 Redford 16, Cornish 9, Coggins I. 50, Ledger 22, Marti 17, Hathway 16 n.o., Black 2, Samways 9 n.out
It was a great match played in good spirit. Their young opening batsman played a blinder. Temple Sheen looked slightly on the ropes, even though Ian ‘Rocky’ Coggins steadily knocked of the required runs. Charlie Black also had a lesson in what words are never to be repeated by the resident poet laureate – Phil ‘Pastie’ Cornish. Woodmansterne were definitely disappointed, especially as I believe they won against us last year. After the game – all retired to the bar to be treated to Rob’s special parlour odour activities – just marvellous.
Thanks again to Derek for the scoring. Ruth now wishes to be involved in the ‘dark arts’ of scoring/rules and told Mr Black that it would mean she would be entitled to a free cricket tea. I hated to tell her what culinary delights may occur and kept quiet on the subject.
Also thanks to Ace reporter Charlie ‘My dad was out for two’ Black

16 July 2006
TSECC v Newdigate
Temple Sheen won
A lovely day, nice opposition, a fabulous tea, many thanks ladies, a very acceptable result well skippered Ian. So WHY did 3 members Temple Sheen do a hatchet job on an ELEVEN year old member of the opposition. We will review each incident as we come to them however some early clues to the culprits, one arsenal and Surrey supporter who often writes match reports, the other 2 being gamblers, drinkers and football supporters.

Pastie and Steve C opened the batting and put on a quick 27 before Pastie got bowled off his stomach, Steve followed and Gerry failed to trouble the scorer, this brought Marti to the wicket to join Lego and the pair put on 97 for the 4th wicket. Lego who very early on in his innings had grazed his eye with a deflection of the bat scored 63. It was during this innings that Lego pulled a full blooded shot round the corner which Newdigate’s Luke Frazer [age 11 and a quarter] did very well to get a hand up in front of his face and half stopped the ball, Lego said 2 to Marti and only after taking his runs did he go and enquire as to how the young lad was. Luke rose to his full 3 foot something and said fine and carried on.

The next 2 batsmen came and went going for quick runs John and Julian both got a few Ian came in down the order and kept the rate going, Lee Grist celebrated another game with us with a first ball duck and Rob marched out to bat.Rob has gone through a rough patch with the bat lately and he smacked 3 fours in an innings of 14 all off LUKE FRAZER the poor 11 year old whose only crime was to want to play a game of cricket, don’t worry Rob no one who reads the averages will ever know, unless they read this!!!!

We reached 202 for 8 and Ian declared and went off to a superb tea
Ian and Rob bowled the first 10 overs Newdigate were 36 for 3 ROB had 2 for 32 and IAN 1 for 1. On came Julian and we were treated to a great spell of spin bowling 4 for 22 off 8.4 overs, at the other end Mr Grist came on to claim his first wicket for the club, it cost him a round and it was Lego’s fault for taking a catch that he would have dropped off anyone else, and Lee has him for a neighbour!!!

This brought LUKE FRAZER in to bat. At the other end was his father part time Peter Stringfellow impersonator who liked to score with a tickle round the corner. Julian was bowling to 11 year LUKE he bowled slowly with no spin, all the fielders retreated 10 yards and we all hoped that the lad would get off the mark except for our wicketkeeper who took a catch that he later blamed on his lightening reflexes. I have attempted to contact Sarah to see what else he used these lightening reflexes for but the telephone was not being answered, such was his shame at the dastardly actions that he had taken. It was great to see the next bowler our President Tom Weakner great to have him playing for us. Next over Julian took the final wicket and the game was won by 104 runs

Temple Sheen v Whiteley Village
Temple Sheen won

We picked this fixture up from the conference in replacement for Capel who cried off the week before. It was a very hot day but as you can see below pastie still felt the need to wear his brown cardigan to umpire in!!

The skipper introduced himself and we proceeded to the wicket to toss up, needless to say I lost the toss and Whiteley decided to bat. After a lengthy and friendly chat with Jamie the skipper he informed me that he recognised the name of Temple Sheen CC and Mr Coggins with the Grey hair as being his old Scoutmaster.
We took to the field with 10 men and Coggins Jnr. who was subbing For Coggins SI. who was still at his church Fair with his brood.
Brian and myself opened the bowling and soon had the batsman wanting to remove their helmets as they realised we were going to struggle to get the ball above knee height.
Simon appeared on the ground and was soon bowling at the pavilion end. His first over totally confused the batsman as he got every variation of delivery packed in to it. Simon soon found his line and length and he had the opener playing on to a wicked delivery. Brian then had the other opener caught by debutant Julian at mid-on. This brought in the captain who set about trying to steady things with watchful batting and put away the bad ball. Simon struck again making it 65-3. There followed some steady batting pushing the score onto 105 before Squirrel bowled his doosra and had the number 5 caught by Simon at short fine leg, dislocating his little finger in the process. Simon left the field for treatment and never returned, Tom came on as sub. Debutant Julian came onto bowl and promptly removed the new batsmen. At this point the skipper decided to get on with it and hit is ex-scoutmaster for a couple of 6s. He tried it once too often and was athletically caught by Neil off the bowling of Julian. Neil then came on to bowl in tandem with Julian and between them they polished off the tail which included 3 sharp stumpings by Gerry (look out Geraint he is over your shoulder) wrapping up Whiteley’s innings at 168 all out.
Sally was dispatched to Boots to get a tub of Arneka and 5 Litres of Witch Hazel to rub on Nick’s cumulative bruises. I would advise ice for your gonads not the Arneka or witch hazel as this combination may erode your scrotum!
During the tea interval Temple Sheen supporters decided to take a walk around the "village" but as soon as they found the shops they decided to close, but they did find some villagers who were only too pleased to pose for some pictures.

Steve and Marti opened the innings and were immediately pinned to the back of the crease with some short hostile erratic fast bowling, Marti was the first to go with a rare straight one, quickly followed by Steve who was adjudged LBW. This brought together Gerry and Ian who set about repairing the damage. Ones and twos were knocked around and a few well struck fours from Gerry saw the 50 come up. Gerry tried it once too often and was caught for 27 with the score on 55-3. John the hat strolled to the crease looking very cool even though it was about 85 degrees. Again John and Ian knocked around and put the bad ball away on their way to bringing up the 100, bowlers were being swapped around at regular intervals the pressure was on, 4s and 6s were now being struck and the chase was on. John was coping well with the fast bowler until one kept low and he was bowled for a very good 46 and 103 partnership with Ian.
Neil Joined Ian and promptly hit 11 runs taking us to victory with 1.3 overs to spare.

Thank you very much to Derek and Pastie for their scoring and umpiring it was very much appreciated and two less things the skipper has to worry about on the day.

09 July 2006
TSECC v Lynchmere
Lynchmere won

It was good to see Lego back from the bad burger he had which stopped him from playing at Stoke D'aberdabadooo where we were seriously spanked by some young boys, which I know for one Lego was not happy to miss.
Anyway we had a full team, good to see Graham back after a long spell out due to Bron’s mum being unwell... (hope she has a speedy recovery) also to see Brenda and Joyce supporting us ... or was Brenda supporting Federer and Zu Zu Zidane.

Ian tossed up and they went out to bat, after a shaky start Marti started to move the ball late to the opening bat and at 35 on the board lost their first wicket, caught behind by the gazelle like attributes of a young attractive wicketkeeper. Ian tolled the other end with no real joy, Pasty had some better luck although his strength had been sapped as we noticed the Capt Blyth wig piece was missing the tail was off !!!
Anyway the open hit a slower ball back and in action replay Phil took a superb one handed catch. No roller required for one end of the wicket as Phil rolled half the pitch in his downtime!
No 3 & 4 spanked the ball around and before we knew it they were 223-4 dec one of their bats hitting a super 100, although a fantastic catch was taken by Mr Graham Cook one handed running around the boundary only to take the catch over the boundary rope. The other highlight of their innings was Ruth's superb jugs, I did comment on how well moulded they were with one containing lemon and the other orange. A sight for sore eyes on such a hot day!

Superb tea was taken cheese in every orifice, thanks to the Coggin’s households and beautifully presented by Ruth.
Also need to big it up for Jane who all day looked after the kids, (as too did Ruth) especially my two, by taking them to the woods and building a small shelter out of twigs and odd bits of bark.
Back to the game ...Steve & Graham opened after bout 10 Graham was out cheaply. I went in at 3 - skipper had been sitting in the sun too long! got a quick 15 and was out as usual bowled... Lego came and went, almost a pair for the weekend! John, Marti and Rob and Phil tried to stop the wickets falling, Marti hitting a quick-fire 29 like the opener Squirrel making 29 also, but men were running out. Neil and Ian came together and made a good fist of getting close to the target, b4 a run out stopped a good partnership from flowing, with Simon falling cheaply at the end, we were around 60 runs shy of the target, but did get to play a bloody good bunch of sporting blokes!

There were a few other spectators this week, a cyclist with a yellow jersey was either watching a thrilling game or was in the wrong country, and a load of horses went past, looking for a dying ponytail in the blazing heat !
Nice to see Derek again but this week in a scoring vein.

02 July 2006
TSECC v Stoke D'Abernon
Stoke D'Abernon won

The short story is that we turned up at Stoke D Abernon’s ground, found out that this was where Bob Willis started from, admired a lovely ground, lost the toss were put into bat and were well and truly stuffed.
A deeper view might take into account the following
Our well known crash dummy tester Mr Brian Redford arrived at the ground with yet another injury, closer inspection revealed it to IDENTICAL to Robs head injury, dear reader I must ask you to decide, one was caused by a flying ash tray in a drinking establishment and the other whilst trying to answer the phone at home who did what and to whom and why.
This was the first problem that our batsmen took to the middle when we started, but for all except Steve and Marty, who were batting, came the news that our beloved Ledger had failed in his attempt to empty the freezer and fridge of World Cup provisions following the demise of the English football team {managed by a swede] and the English Cricket team [managed by a turnip] resulting in him catching [yes he caught it] Delhi belly another event that never happens. Whilst we were digesting this, Ian was given out by the umpire without his glasses and the same umpire turned his hearing aid off and gave Steve out LBW when they were appealing for a catch. The crack on Brian’s head had worked he scored 30 not out, out of our 123 and added a few with Thomas who had been summoned by Ian, and collected by Jane from a school fete. Thomas arrived in time for the best p[art of the day a very palatable spread, you missed the cheeses Ledge, many thanks Jane for collecting the youngster!!!!!! Whilst talking about the little ones we hope that Ruby is OK and has got over her heatstroke.
The opposition went out to bat and it was good to see our President at the match and umpiring for us, Brian got his first wicket of the season and Simon took a great catch but fair play to their youngsters they batted well in knocking off the runs in 12 overs. It had been a blazing hot day the showers were freezing and we held an autopsy.
Do not worry, we know where we went wrong, yet again we failed to make enough runs, It is nobody’s fault, every club has some bad results and unlike the bloo*y Swede we will return
Or the View from the Boundary
We certainly lived up to our true name "Temple Sheen Eccentrics CC at Stoke D'Abernon on Sunday.
I arrived Home on Saturday evening after having watched the "debacle" Called England FC and England CC in a happy state of mind, to be greeted by a message from John the "hat".
Apparently due to an oversight in the administration he was unable to use his car, so I agreed to pick him up from Richmond Station in ample time to get to the ground. I thought that I could lounge in a Deck Chair and score and Pastie would umpire as he was official 12th Man. WRONG!
2pm arrived and passed Ian went out to toss up and returned with the news that we were batting, hang about a bit only 8 Men on the ground, Pastie by this time was obviously playing. Simon was navigating his way from Bracknell
Nick had reported in as having a heat problem with his daughter but would ring in an Hour, and then there was Ledge, he would obviously know the ground it being adjacent to Chelsea's Training ground! must be mud on the Road too many caravans or Tractors, but o even worse he had fallen ill drinking Larger out of a "dirty" Glass
Enter GI Jane who volunteered to go to Hampton and pick up Thomas and the "fishing" gear, all was nearly all right 10 Men. It was then said that Nick phoned to say he was not coming, and by some miracle I had my gear. At last 11 Men.

To the game Marty and Steve opened the innings and made a steady start until Marty made one swish too many and was out. Ian then joined Steve and there was still hope that Lego would arrive, alas no truth. The Home Umpire then gave a terrible decision and Ian was out LBW as I even heard the bat on ball from the deckchair
Worse was to follow as Rob joined Steve and was soon back for a Duck. Even worse, there was a shout for a catch from Steve, and the Umpire adjudged that it was definite LBW. Just our Luck! Enter Brian cut head covered from the Sun to remain 30 Not out after the 40 overs.
Tea was taken, plenty of "cheese" sandwiches Lego but in your condition would not have been appreciated!

We went out to field, we were taken apart by the youngsters of the opposition and we were only in the field for 12 overs. My type of Match on a hot day! Simon took a superb catch in the outfield. Later he was seen heading for the River to catch some fish, I believe the answer was in the negative.

18 June 2006
TSECC v Leigh
Leigh won
What could have been a good game of cricket was totally ruined when Leigh's number 2 bat did not walk after hitting the ball off Si Coggins bowling and being caught behind by Pastie. He was on 49 at the time, a few overs later edged another behind off Si's bowling and still didn’t walk, he ended up 135 not out. Leigh declared at 239-1, it is fair to congratulate their number 3 for his 97 not.
We made 173 all out a good 50 from Lego, a very bright 35 from Marti, alias, Mark, alias Lexus, alias Mercedes ... whatever, 31 from Ian and 20 from Rob.
There were a couple of bright notes: whilst minding his own business, a taxi driving past the ground got one square on his windscreen ... what a laugh (sorry to all Taxi drivers out there), also it was great to see Juan and his family for the first time this season and may I say well bowled, with no joy (that goes to all the bowlers in fact).

11 June 2006
Temple Sheen v Prince’s Head
Temple Sheen lost

Another hot and sunny day down at Effingham, where Temple Sheen took on The Prince's Head, a pub on Richmond Green.

Our stand-in skipper, squirrel Coggins won the toss and elected to bat in this 35 overs contest. The pre match dressing room was some what euphoric upon the realisation that we wouldn't have to field in the hottest part of the day. But this mood was cut short when we discovered we only had nine men.

Anyone who has had a drink recently in a London/Richmond pub will probably have been served by one of our antipodean cousins. The Prince’s Head probably had to be shut whilst the entire bar staff roster were enjoying themselves!

On to that match...

Steve and Pasty opened the batting and Prince's Head opener started off erratically but soon settled in and batting was to prove difficult. Soon Pasty was on his way having faced a ball that swung late and clipped his off peg on the way through.

There followed some rather inept batting, whilst all along Steve batted patiently, holding up one end and indeed holding the innings together.

The Prince's Head skipper kept rotating his bowlers and we were all waiting for the "none-cricketers" he had spoken of before the match, to come on and maybe open things up for us. But all we got was a procession of bowlers who hit a line and length, moved the ball around and took wickets at regular intervals and all claimed they hadn’t played for at least 15 years.
Then there was a double bowling change; from the Gipsy's Meadow End (apparently they were turfed off last summer only to be replaced by Irish tinkers) came on a very hit-able spinner who put it on Neil's G-spot (so I am told by Ruth), which is roughly short of a length and on leg stump. Neil punished this bowling with some lovely shots to the square leg boundary but was eventually out for 14, trying to get some runs on the board.

From the other end they brought on a Wild Willy Williamson the left-armer. One ball was so wild it entered outer space, played inter-galactic pinball, bouncing off several small asteroids and other orbiting matter, before being sucked up by a black hole, spat out the other end and fell to earth with such speed that poor Steve didn't know what had hit him when it finally bounced off the top of his head. John was umpiring at square and having empathy for any one struck above neck height by a ball, was first on the scene. He later described how Steve's obviously dazed and confused state was reminiscent of a squirrel having just been rudely awoken from winters hibernation and wondering where he'd buried his nuts. Sorry squirrel I hope the lump's gone down!!

Steve's innings was cut short soon after when he was caught for 20. Simon and Brian had a brief partnership (unbeknown to their spouses!) and put on some valuable runs.
Louis Coggins strode out on a hat-trick and credit must go to him for not getting out first ball. Credit must also go to the bowler who, for the sake of personal glory ensured that the game was played in the correct spirit when he saw a youngster come to the crease. Brian was the not out batsman and we ended on 82 all out.

A lovely tea in between innings was taken and despite several tea ladies enjoying themselves in the land of L.S. Lowry and shootings it was to it’s normal high standard. Particular favourites were the ginger shortcake slices and lemon drizzle cake.
Prince's Head felt so sorry for us that they lent us one of their spectators, by the name of "Summer" to field for us and although she wasn't wearing any shoes, by this point all charity was gratefully received.

It was always going to be hard to defend our low total, but in true Temple Sheen spirit we stuck at it and ensured that Prince's Head didn't have it all their own way. From the outset their openers stated their intent with some big hitting. Neil became accustomed to the anti-pikey ditch and enjoyed fishing balls out of the black sludge on a regular basis.
Play had to be briefly suspended whilst a horse box trundled past, behind the bowler's arm. All you could see hanging out the back was a grey and white tail. Ironic then that that was the end Pasty took a well-earned wicket. Can I therefore recommend we call that the "Pony & Trap End" ?

Pasty also featured in the only other wicket; a fine catch on the boundary at mid-wicket, well bowled Simon. Also well bowled Marti who managed to keep them quiet for a few overs without any luck.

Prince's Head hit the required runs with quite a few overs to spare.

Mon 29 May
TSECC V Brightstone

28 May 2006
TSECC v Plessy
Plessy won

Team talk started with Ian's team huddle in the dressing room, "We are playing 40 overs a side, 8 overs a bowler". He only got that far when Matt and Ledge broke up their own huddle and started listening. We had a strong team as well as Pastie and Del sharing scoring and umpiring duties.

First directive from Ian "NO DRINKING TILL AFTER THE MATCH" was also his last as he disappeared to the toilet for the 3rd time in 20 mins only to return moaning that he couldn't find the vaseline. The Caulked Head and Jolly's were extracting revenge for the night before's activity.By now Nick along with his family had joined us and we were ready for battle.

Plessey batted first and after 9 overs were 9 for 2 Ian taking himself off with the immaculate figures of 5-5-0-2. Marty bowling from the other end bowled his 8 straight through and took another couple of wickets. His first over had brought about the first fine of the tour a couple of wides caused Ledge to tell the opposition that it was now a 41 over match. Then the fun started fines everywhere.
Rob and Steve C had a bowl and a double change brought Matt and Neil on. Matt with a smart new sweater had not played for 9 months [possible maternity leave?] and it showed. Matt may have been rusty but he was no where near as rusty as Ian's rendition of the Dambusters theme, Ledge was stale rusty even with remarks about bouncing bombs, needless to say both were fined Del came out to umpire and Pastie went back to score only to find that he had been fined for a five ball over. Revenge is sweet however as Dels mobile brought play to a halt as he was asked how he was getting on up NORTH. A fiver fine seemed fair and the drink kitty was progressing nicely.

Plessey got to 120-9 when their number 11 came out and ruined the game!!!!! He hit his first and a few other balls for 4 [so we fined him a £1] and ruined Neil's bowling figures, he still took career best of 4 for forty-ish so he was fined for jug evasion. Our fielding had, with one exception, been superb, catches taken by Ian [2], Matt, Rob, Gerry and Steve, a hard half chance dropped by Rob but he saved it going for four and Ledge DROPPED A SITTER that Geoff Boycott's gran would have caught. That gave Ledge his fourth fine, later doubled . An attempt to describe the effort if you can imagine Leggo getting 6 inches off the ground landing like a cement mixer and let the ball go. His description was that he had saved 5 runs, that the grass was too long, the light to bright and he was not sure which ball he was trying to catch!?!??!!

Plessey made 156 and we were treated to an excellent tea, Ian disappeared to the loo again and returned bemoaning the loss of his vaseline but no-one was listening. It was during the tea interval that we had to fine Nicks better/other? half for telling their kids that the umpires were in fact Mister Whippies and that was where they should get their ice creams, this was an absolutely heretical remark which does not affect the welcome we extend to Nick and his family on his re-appearance after some time.

How did our innings go, well it was a case of Steve and Quackers!

Steve C. made a very pleasant 60 with his new bat, John made a few incluing a great 6 but........... Tommy, Marty, Gerry and Nick all made DUCKS and we narrowly...ish lost. Despite worries aired at the AGM this was a TEAM performance. Matt Tommy and Nick made seasonal debuts, Rob took a blinding catch and avoided a duck Gerry proved to be a more than adequate stand in for Del, exciting batting from Steve C and John, Ian as tight as ever bowling and in the sharing of his vaseline, Marty taking a couple of wickets on his tour debut and wait for it no money has been paid to the author 4 wickets all deserved for the part time bowler Neil Black.

Finally, many thanks to Steve Ledger for proving that any can drop catches just like Monty.

14 May 2006
TSECC v A Few Good Men
Arrived at our newly adopted ground on Sunday at Effingham CC with a slight breeze but generally overcast. It first reminded me of the layout of Headly Common on top of Box Hill that we used to frequent, but more quainter.

After the week of more ups and downs than the England bowling attack with our selection for a team this week, it was good to turn up with 11 players, no not a misprint 11, and that was without some of the main key players who were either working or due to injury decorating (in Pastys case) (this is a story of the events and can be fictional) to play a team by the name of "A Few Good Men", expecting Jack Nicholson or Demi Moore to shower with us was a mouth watering experience.

Anyway back to the plot, skipper lost the toss by the look on his face and out went Stuart Fowler our opener (thanks for helping us out from our twinned club from West End starring at the Adelpi as ... (I told you I've lost it this week)  and also great to see also starring from West End and Temple Sheen our antipodean all-rounder Mr Stevie Tingle, it wasn’t long before both were stroking the ball majestically 50 came in no time at all off about 8 or nine overs.With some indifferent fielding from one of their players who tried to throw down the stumps and almost took 3rd mans head off:-

With the score on 69 (a position most cricketers dream of being on), Steve was caught on 31, how I don't know ... don't blame me I was scoring and trying to keep up with the 11 ball wide riden overs, anyway Squirrel (AKA Steve Coggins) was next to bat carrying a slight injury from his winter keyhole op, played a few good shots before a dialog began between himself and his cousin Simon as umpire:-

Simon: You want answers?
Steve: I think I'm entitled to them.
Simon: You want answers?
Steve: I want the truth!
Simon: You can't handle the truth!, Anyway you're LBW

That was that and in came Lego, cometh the man etc ... he said he was't feeling too good after staying up till 05:00am eatin Stilton and sipping on a good Port (funny I thought he was a wife beater drinker and pork pie merchant) and it showed with a tickle down leg and superbly caught by keeper for 0.

Marti, Pasty’s new find came in looking very nervous (he is only 18 you know ... (a colt ! Sign him up)) but it wasn’t long before shots started flowing, great to watch , mean while up the other end Stuart was still playing his part until holding out for a well deserved 30. John the hat and Marti kept the score ticking past 120 before John was bowled for 14, bringing Russell (welcome back again) to the crease unfortunately being bowled for 0 (were you entertaining Lego the night before?) To make amends Russell went straight out to umpire and gave the skipper out playing a shot off his shoe laces! Marti continued to spray the ball to all parts of the field, with 3 successive 4s before taking a long stride down the wicket and being stumped, great innings Marti. That left Rob and I who added about 20 runs b4 the end, Rob scoring a worthy 16 no ... we ended on 165.

Tea taken , thanks to Claire and Pam for the superb tea again, well worth the admission fee alone and thanks to Claire and my missus for dishing it up so professionally. MORE CHEESE less FISH (mori poll taken after match)

Back to the innings of a Few Good Men Simon opened the bowling with Stevie Tingle and both got their just rewards with 2 fine catches from Simon and Marti and it was 9 for 2, that bought opening bat and no 4 to the crease ... some fine strokeplay and the opposition were making the game look easy, before their no 4 bat ran out the opener. A full bodied smash (oh I don't know what the shot’s called!)  back to the bowler Ian, was touched by Ian onto the openers stumps and he was run out. Unlucky for them, good for us ...further wickets tumbled with Ian being very economical, and Steve with his first ball seeing the ball of no 4 bat trickle onto the stumps without dislodging the bails, Gerry caught him next ball and his nine lives had expired.

Marti bowled a great spell with no success and bent the ball something chronic, without any success.

Their skipper came in and hit a blistering 43, taking the score into the 120s with 8 overs left, the game was tilting in AFGM's favour, the fielding was difficult with Staurt having problems bending after a full day in the field the previous day, and Russell 'Klinsmann' Dillon diving all over the place with no luck.

The turning point was the skipper skying Ian on 43 and Lego, with all his ailments took a fine catch to turn the game.

On 145 for 7 there was a collapse with Ian and some great variation of action by Steve Tingle having the last 3 wickets bowled and Temple Sheen winning by 15 runs.

A fine result to a fine game and what a good bunch of lads (lawyers and students from Durham Uni) making up a Few Good Men.

Great to see Delboy at the ground, whether he saw us was another issue? Just kiddin Del, and also to see so many families, Jo and the girls , Ruth and the boys, Pam and Jane and her family. Talking of Jane, special thanks for taking the kids to the woods to occupy their day.My son Joe came back saying he didnt need to go to Scout camp as the whole scout curriculum had been covered. Jane was last seen making a small town house in the forest out of bracken, twigs and lichens.

That was the day that was, after a few good Prides I was asked  how the day went and replyed :-

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

7 May 2006
Temple Sheen v Hampton Hill 2nd XI


Venue: 7/10

Flat and green with a fair even bounce.

Outfield: Slow due to reasonable grass length for time of year. Not too many Richard the thirds for a park pitch, despite the large number of dogs being walked!

Pavilion: Changing rooms adequate, showers were powerful with plenty of warm water. However the positioning of a urinal, directly opposite the showering area led to a couple of awkward moments for both showeree and toilet goer! On the plus side though, a rumour quickly spread that Brian did actually get out of the shower to use one of armitage shanks finest, so at least there has been some progress in that department over the winter. (Well done Brian).A very superb bar was stocked with both London Pride and Stella Artois so everyone was happy. Graham even found a fridge furnished with his beloved Bud.

Teas: I am happy to report that the season has kicked off with a tremendous away ground tea. Plates were packed with a very good selection of sarnies, including the all important cheese. A good grouping of well chosen cakery included, rock and cherry bakewell.

Team rating:

The new season finally got under way beneath partly cloudy skies at Bushey Park in Hampton last Sunday. Skipper Coggins won the toss and elected to bat first, sending old warrior Pasty and a rejuvenated Graham Cook in as openers.

Runs came quickly as Cook began the season as he had ended last with some trademark pulls for four whilst Pasty rather uncharacteristically was content to play the supporting role of keeping the scoreboard ticking over with the odd single here and there. This new partnership worked well and 18 runs were added in 18 opening minutes before Pasty was caught out for 7 as he tried to open his shoulders.

Lego batting at three came in to join Cook who continued to pull the Hampton opening bowlers at every opportunity. The two quickly added 44 before Cook who was looking in great nick pulled one ball too many and despite his partners warning just two balls before, that Hampton had finally placed “a young’n “on the boundary, he found the mop haired youth with a snipers accuracy. Cook out for 35.

This cleared the way for the first of two debutants. Lee Grist approached the wicket looking a little nervous. On reaching the centre it was Lego’s turn to adopt a nervous look as Grist who has lived next door to Lego for three years and on many an evening has spun tales long into the night about dishing out single handed beatings to teams with swash buckling innings, now admitted to Lego that he had in fact not played cricket since senior school some 22 years ago! After picking his jaw up off the ground Lego turned Grist’s bat around for him so he was holding it the correct way up and sent him off to take his mark, ignoring the “which one is Mark and where do you want me to take him” comment. To his credit, Grist didn’t join the many (myself included) debutant duck club members but was eventually caught and bowled 2. His day would eventually get better in the field however and Lego would at least be relieved that he hadn’t introduced a total numpty to the club.

Skipper Coggins joined Lego and despite the pairs hopes of putting on a good partnership, Lego was run out shortly afterwards, trying to take on a huge arm from the boundary, he was run out to a direct hit, falling a good 2 feet short. Lego 31.

With the score at 82 for 4 Sheen needed a hero. Step forward John Hathway. After last years injuries (John broke his nose on two separate occasions) ‘the hat’ as he is affectionately known is determined that this is going to be his year and having witnessed his innings on Sunday, I see no reason why it won’t be.
Ian and John were looking solid as a rock with a mixture of sensible running and big hitting they quickly put on 40. Then amazingly Ian was run out by the second direct hit from the boundary of the day, a truly fortuitous piece of fielding by the 87 year old fielder who had to be told that he had hit “cos his eyes aint what they used to be.” Ian out for 22, the score 122 for 5.

Second debutant Marty strode to the crease and after a couple of nervy defensive shots he got off the mark with a sublime drive for four, easily the shot of the day. He then followed up with a couple of lovely clips for four whilst John continued to score freely at the other end. Eventually John went for a big one but got a slight knick and ever the gentleman, walked before having to be given out for a very good 34.

The score was now 145 for 6 and the Sheen boys had great hopes that 200 was gettable, especially as Neil Black was next in! Cometh the hour cometh the man. Neil being one of the most consistent players in the team wasn’t going to let his club average drop a single decimal lower and with a grit and determination he played his exemplary forward defensive shot ball after ball after ball, then on the fourth ball of his innings he was out. Bad luck old boy. Neil 0 149 for 7.

Brian joined Marty for a couple of overs and Sheen declared their innings on 159 for 7. A good all round performance for the first innings of the season.

After a very good tea (see above) Sheen took to the field under clear blue skies and warm bright sunshine. Brian who has made a full recovery from his awful car accident must have been recovering in the pool used in the film Cocoon as he seemed to have gained a yard or two at least in pace. On a serious note it is really great to see him back playing with us, we have all missed him and were all worried about him so well done Brian and welcome back.

Sadly his excellent bowling failed to yield any wickets but he still finished on very good figures of 9 overs 2 maidens 0 for 22. His efforts were mirrored at the opposite end by Simon, looking much leaner and fitter than last time we saw him way back in 2001 I think it was. Simon kept things at his end as tight as Pasties whites in his first few overs and was rewarded with a wicket when the opening bat tried to pull him square, where he found man mountain Grist who took a fine debut catch at the second attempt, keeping a cool head to calmly grasp the ball after initially parrying it. Well done to Lee and to Simon who ended with figures of. 9 overs no maidens 1 for 42.

Sadly the blue skies had clouded over and rain started to fall. The umpires stopped play just in time to avoid a deluge which brought an end to the game. So the game was drawn and everyone retired to the bar (see above).

Finally I would just like to thank Kevin and Hazel for all their efforts over the years. Ever since I have played for Temple Sheen they have been, along with many others a huge part in keeping the club running, be it organising teas or tours they both had a major part in making me feel welcome in the big family that is Temple Sheen Cricket. Sundays won’t be the same without you and your family being at cricket and hope that you will still find time to come down and have a drink and a laugh with us all.